When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
