I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
