Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
try to milk me bitch
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