the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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