I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
