Where is the hickey?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
