I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
