I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
