Screwed.edu
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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