I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
