Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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