See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
