Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
