Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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