just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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