She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
