You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So vagazzling was a success
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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