Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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