Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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