I accidentally had phone sex last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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