Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
