My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
