good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
