nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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