He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
