We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
