Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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