Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize