I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
