I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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