kristin has been a bad kristin
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
