shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
