I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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