It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
A bitchslap is in order.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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