Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
