I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
