At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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