So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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