You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
