I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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