He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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