I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just made out with a guy for $7.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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