foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
