Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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