Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
