a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
