I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who died my cat blue again?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
