evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
