If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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