Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
