I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
