ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
