Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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