Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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