You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
