You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
