i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
