I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
