i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
