TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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