Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
