please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
