Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
