when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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