does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
