Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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