What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
