my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
